if i have a single, fatal flaw, it is most undeniably my incredible ability to be late to almost every single thing that awaits me. i genuinely believe that when i die, the attendees of my funeral will be waiting in the pews for at lest 15 minutes before my body gets there. i am absolutely always late, and i have no idea why. as i’ve gotten older, i’ve started to accept that i will be chronically off-time for every plan i make, and have decided to look at start times more as guidelines than rigid regulations. despite this most serious of hamartias (and likely contrary to the belief of any person who has ever made plans with me), I actually have a really good grasp on the concept of time.
maybe showing up at 11:30 isn’t my strong suit, but i understand the importance of time. i know that time is how we show love and find happiness. i think there’s some kind of convoluted logarithm that you can use to measure your value to others based on time and effort and a load of other variables (but i’m about as good at math as i am at being punctual, so don’t quote me on it). this odd and unwavering belief in some kind of logarithmic way to measure abstract human value has led me to place a personally unsurpassed level of importance on the time i spend with the people i love, and the quality of it.
i believe wholeheartedly in making time for people who matter-and by “making time” i don’t mean sitting in the same room and existing separately for a few hours and then lying about having a great time hanging out. making time means to at least semi-unplug. it means to exist as a conversation rather than as two people talking. it means sharing ideas and meaningful dialogue and genuinely being with that person. being in the same room as someone may diminish feelings of loneliness, but it will not always leave you feeling fulfilled.
making time for the people you love is undoubtedly one of the most crucial things in the human experience, but it is equally important to find time in between to be alone. one of the greatest things you can do is be unapologetically on your own. i find a great improvement in my mental health and my confidence after spending a few hours wandering alone and exploring the things i want to, in the ways i want to. you will learn a lot from others by being with them, but you will learn very little about yourself until you let yourself exist without trying to keep others entertained.
although time eludes me on a daily basis, the importance of it never does. it is not the importance of time measured in minutes and hours that i value, but the time measured in happiness and used to show love that matters.